"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
