No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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