We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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