the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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