barbara walters just said penis...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize