Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
