i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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