whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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