dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
how does that bad decision feel?
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