Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
