why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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