My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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