I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
