I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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