Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think my vagina is haunted
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
