And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
