I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The adults are the big ones right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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