I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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