Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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