I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
