This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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