Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
