People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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