For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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