my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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