I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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