Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
