Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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