it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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