eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
