Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
