Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
