I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
