I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
