i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
