were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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