I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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