You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
