Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
