I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
