I will die if light touches me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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