And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
