I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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