i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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