I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
