I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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