clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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