TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
