Little spoons don't ask big questions
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize