this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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