Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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