If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
