dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
