he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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