K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
