Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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