Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
