hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Enjoy the penises
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
