I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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