Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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