u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
