some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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