i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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