Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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