Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
