Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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